The Mailman and The Dog

I have a dog. She is a shepherd mix. She barks.

The mailman comes to the closed door. Dog barks. Mailman goes away.

Dog barks, “Success.”

Mailman sees door is open. Passes by. Delivers mail the next day. Adds note. No mail if the door is open.

I think, “Fair enough.”

Cristina packs for moving. Door is left open. New Mailman drops by for a visit. Leaves mail in mailbox. Dog sees mailman. “What fun, thinks dog. Dog chases mailman. Dog barks. Mailman freaks. Mailman sprays dog.

I think, “Fair enough.”

Door closed for two days. No mail.

Hunt down mailman. Ask, “Where is mail?”

Mailman says, “No mail. Dog scared me. Call supervisor.”

I say, “You couldn’t bother to tell me, ‘No mail.’?”

Mailman says, “Not my job.”

I grow livid.

Cristina calls Post Office. She says, “We want mail.”

Post Office says, “Can’t deliver. You have dog.”

Cristina says, “Fine. I’ll pick it up.”

Post Office says, “No.”

Cristina say, “It’s my mail.”

Post Office says, “Tough shit.”

Cristina says, “How do I get my mail?”

Post Office says, “Talk to supervisor. Sign form.”

Cristina says, “Let me talk to supervisor.”

Post Office says, “No.”

Cristina says, “Why not?”

Post Office says, “Supervisor not here.”

Cristina says, “Have him call me.”

Post Office says, “Sure.”

Supervisor not call.

Cristina calls Post Office.

Cristina says, “May I please speak with Supervisor?”

Post Office says, “No.”

Cristina says, “Why not?”

Post Office says, “Supervisor not here.”

Cristina says, “I need mail.”

Post Office says, “Fine. Come get it.”

Cristina goes to Post Office. Cristina signs form. Cristina receives mail.

Cristina says, “Thank you. Dog moves Thursday. No problem.”

Post Office says, “Tough shit.”

Cristina says, “Huh?”

Post Office says, “Mail still on hold.”

Cristina says, “I signed form.”

Post Office says, “Must have surprise inspection.”

Cristina says, “What?”

Post Office says, “If dog not there, you get mail.”

Cristina thinks, “Fuckwads.”

Cristina goes home.

Cristina and Greg wait for mail.

Copyright 2005 by Greg Hubbard


One thought on “The Mailman and The Dog

  1. You have got to be kidding!!!!! Hmmm let me think neither Rain Nor Snow ………..Was there a disclaimer I missed about dogs? Good thing y’all are getting out of there!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe once Cristina is gone you can go ahead and forward your mail to the new house and forget the San Diego BRAVE little mailmen!!!!!

    I think mailmen are just crazy. My mom and dad’s mailman drove down the street pulling in to everyone’s drive way and running up to there mailbox and putting in the mail. Then when my sister tried to hand him a letter she needed mailed out. We are talking like maybe she is 5 steps away from him, he still jumps in to his mail truck and backs up and then tells her I told you to wait. I was like o boy back up for a whole two steps by then? He was just very crazy-azy. Kind of scary. I didn’t think they were allowed to pull up in to the drive way?

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